a reflection about charting my own course. for me, summer is a time of anniversaries. Kevin and I have summer birthdays, we got married in the summer, and my Canadian citizenship ceremony was in the summer; these days are clearly celebratory. however, another summer anniversary creates in me a wider range of emotions; this summer marks the twelfth anniversary of my suicide attempt; the anniversary evokes in me joy, relief, and hope, as well as a sense of something lost.
every suicide attempt survivor has a different level of comfort regarding their anniversary. my relationship with my anniversary has evolved over the past twelve years. at first, I only knew what month my attempt occurred in; this vague sense of knowing made me hesitantly approach the entire month. I then chose to gently unpack my memories with a trusted confidant, which helped me learn the date of my suicide attempt. that process, and other intentional steps since, gave me a sense of closure and allowed me to feel more comfortable when the anniversary approaches. |