Unmistakable

One theme I have noticed woven through conversations, others' ideas, my own reflections, and various life tidbits lately is vulnerability. There is a sense of trustworthiness in "this person" or "these people". And then there is the opening up at a deeper level. And then there is the - hopefully good - response. The acknowledgement of mutual trust. And then there is the new reality - one with less "walls" between one another.

The topics can be light to heavy, but it can still be a bit scary to open up in new ways to those we trust. "Sure, they've been okay with me up until this point, but if they knew this, they may not be okay with me anymore." That person, even that super-awesome-trusted person, may not yet know about that thing, or about that thing in that way. 

It can be scary to open up to trusted confidants in such an unmistakably clear and vulnerable way.

​To use a silly example, someone may worry:
"My unicorn doesn't eat grapefruit anymore! Am I doing something wrong?"
​Assuming one could have a unicorn, and it was rather normal for unicorns to eat grapefruits, one may be concerned that their unicorn wasn't normal. They may worry they aren't suited to care for a unicorn. They may worry their trusted confidants would even judge them over their perceived unsuitability as unicorn carers.

We can get so into our own heads that it adds to the challenge of vulnerability. This can be even more complex when we've gotten used to poor reactions from those people we trusted in the past. Negative reactions, emotional abuse, and other dysfunctional communication patterns can leave invisible marks.

In my recent experiences of talking with confidants, I have noticed myself consistently surprised by goodness. It has been really nice to trust someone, open up to them more, and have it go well. That there is maturity, trust, caring, and real support there. Assurance that it was okay to be vulnerable.

But I am also working to help those positive experiences stick. Negative past experiences and their invisible marks tend to rush in to cloud my perspective. It can be easy to forget positive experiences outweigh negative ones in my life now.

It has helped to remember that I felt safe in the moment of sharing - before, during, after - which makes these current experiences the positive ones they are. Even when the sharing was done, when the person glimpsed a little bit more of my current reality, there was still safety. I let my walls down a bit, and it was okay. And sometimes that assurance is more than enough.

I also have found it helpful to not always have to "end on a positive"; sometimes conversations or "real life" interactions don't get or need to end like writing pieces. And that's okay. There can be open-endedness. Questions held for further exploration. Things to think about for next time.

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