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I will put forth effort to soak in the small beauties of life. I will stare at the maple leaves, at the flowing water, at the knots in wood piled for winter. I will savour the scent of fresh flowers, ripe fruit, and steeping tea. I hope to appreciate every small moment of peace I find. I will smile when I stumble pleasantly upon happiness. alone or together. I will seek gentleness, keep myself safe, and think soft, healing thoughts of time, tomorrow and tenacity. I recently heard someone lamenting over the "forced buying" holidays bring. they associated giving with gifts, gifts with money, so giving for them meant buying. as a creative person who for four years was also a poor student I don't share their conclusion. while giving can mean buying that is a very narrow definition.
in the past when faced with admitting to my closest friends and family that I needed their help - whether I wanted to hurt myself or I had, or to confess thoughts of suicide - it felt like I was being asked to climb a mountain in two minutes wearing flip flops. but (with much nervousness, inner shaking and a stumbling quiet voice), I would eventually spit out the words. their reactions weren't to be predicted, but learning how to ask for help for serious matters taught me who was there for me and the act of reaching out helped me learn how to do it. I was lucky to have a good support system but I also found counsellors or helplines were a good resource for times when I wasn't quite ready, or didn't know how, to tell my closest friends; sometimes the anonymity helped to prepare for the face-face admission that I needed help. even now reaching out - no matter what the reason - isn't always easy. to humble ourselves can be difficult. though it's not always simple, continuing to seek out healthy and reliable means of support is essential and helps build a network of support with a variety of branches. though the truth is sometimes hard to admit, it can open a whole world of healing. |
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