the seventeenth of May

I remember swimming in my aunt's above ground pool as a child - I swam around the edge because the middle was deep, unknown, and unsafe. or so I thought. the pool was safe, its bottom even all the way across - but that did not change that it was unknown. I disregarded the fact that I had swam in pools with deep ends, in lakes, in the ocean; this pool's middle was unsafe because I had not explored it. 

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fear of the unknown is what helps cultivate fear of people who are different from oneself. today, May seventeenth, is the twenty-eighth anniversary of the World Health Organization's decision to declassify homosexuality as a mental disorder; today is the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia - '“a global celebration of sexual and gender diversities”'.

"but I'm not phobic."​

perhaps not, but I can think of at least one example of how I have been phobic.

growing up, some of my friends, family, teachers, and community members identified as gay or lesbian. I was happy to see one of my teachers and her partner adopt their first baby, a baby who would have two moms; I was supportive of classmates and family members who came out. as I got a bit older, some of the people I knew came out as bisexual. I expressed verbal support, I was glad to be their friend, but there was always a small voice in the back of my head: they are not the same.

attraction to one gender made sense to me internally; attraction to more than one gender complicated things - they're a liability to the relationship, they'll want to leave who they're with; they're a flight-risk. why start a relationship with someone who's not dependable, loyal, and going to be in it for the long haul?

I expected a person who was attracted to more than one gender to change their mind. two years, five years, ten years, when will it be? when will the expiration date kick-in for them? 

I had unfairly assumed individuals attracted to one gender were superior - in loyalty, dependability, commitment - than those attracted to more than one gender. are there some people of every sexual orientation who aren't loyal? yes - because a disloyal person is a disloyal person no matter their eye colour, their ear shape, or their sexual orientation.

my goal going forward is to cultivate acceptance within myself - for myself and for the people I meet - and to remember that tolerance is not the same as acceptance.

life will always have surprises - we can't know when we will encounter something new. however, by staying open to newness, being willing and ready to learn, we can become better prepared to accept difference. as individuals, families, and communities, creating a more accepting space within and around us will help in many ways. because you never know when a time will come when you'll be glad you became more open. and you never know what kind of a difference it can make to someone else, someone who may need a safe harbour from the storm.

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