As 2022 drew to a close, I completed my crochet blanket. Starting November 1st, I crocheted almost every day. On December 22nd, my hexagons were done. Then I spent a week sewing everything together. My “hexiket”, as I affectionately named the project, is now a cozy addition to our living space. My hexiket project was planned in 2018. That spring, after I named my bisexuality, I decided to make a crochet blanket in bi colours. I loved the hexagon design, found a pattern, and purchased the yarn. Everything was logistically set. The only thing I lacked was motivation. I already knew how to crochet, having been taught by one of my late grandmothers. But it was challenging to accept I’d be refreshing my skills without her. I tried practicing the individual crochet stitches the pattern required. I then found videos on how to create an entire hexagon. The breakthrough came when I found a well-paced hexagon tutorial video. From there, my hexagon-making flourished! She had done nothing wrong
and she waited for assurance of that fact. She waited for the chance to speak, to have others know the truth. She worried she had done something wrong, worried it was somehow her fault, worried she had not done enough, worried she had done too much. When she began to tell others, nobody gave her all the assurance, but they shared in her truth; good ones carried the truth alongside her. I’ve previously discussed my experience of surviving abusive people, in my pieces “I have always been worthy.” and “subtle poisons”. While my healing journey from abuse began over a decade ago, this past year has been particularly rich in new progress. From the day in 2006 that I broke up with the guy who had been abusing me, I began to plant seeds of love for myself. Some of these seeds took a while to sprout. Some had to be hidden from other abusers in my life. But now, with more healthy and safe people in my life, there is room for many healing flowers to bloom.
This piece discusses my healing progress as a survivor of family abuse and intimate partner sexual abuse/violence. Further info and clarification of terminology are provided on Owl Tree Whimsy's Healing Resources Page. I have always been worthy. Yet, when I was growing up there were two main factors that kept me from seeing the full extent of my worth. I was abused by some of my relatives, which negatively impacted my formation of self. I also was abused, from age fourteen to fifteen, by the guy I was dating. Growing up, I only had pockets of empathy around me, deep wells were elsewhere. I was grateful for visits to those wells as they provided essential rest and hope for me in my darkest seasons. I am grateful that wells of empathy have become far more abundant in my adult life. And I now feel worthy. |